Monday, April 8, 2013

A change of mind....

While I'm back in the swing of things. But this time, I feel like things are flying 100 mph! I only have 3 more weeks until this semester ends and I have plenty to keep me busy with until then. Not only, are classes throwing a lot of work at me but there are a lot of decisions that I am making that need to be finalized before summer break.

Even though all of these unknowns and possibilities before me would have stressed me out and made me very irritable before this year, that is not the case right now. I am blessed to have this contentment with where I am in life that I can only explain as a gift from God. It is natural for me to doubt or worry in the face of decisions so it is refreshing to find this peace about the chaos that is being a freshmen in college.

I am at peace with the unknown. I'm beginning to realize that letting go over the worry or need for control isn't as hard as I once thought it was. Trying to figure out everything little detail about the future is not a productive use of my time. There are certain time of life, and I'm in one right now, where not knowing every detail is actually a blessing not a curse. If I knew everything that I would face in the next 4 to 6 years, I think I would have a mental breakdown.

There are certain things about my future that I beginning to figure out and I would love to share them with all of you :) First of all, I have a better idea of what I want to do for a career. This semester I've decided to start an Alcohol and Drug Counseling Minor. I was hesitant about this decision because I wasn't sure that I wanted to end up working in a group home of youth or where I wanted to be employed one day. But after a few weeks of trying to "reason" myself out of it, I discovered that I have a deep passion for youth coming from difficult backgrounds. The idea of helping teens with addictions or teens whose lives have been deeply impacted by their parents addictions makes me excited to graduate from college and start working!

Also, as I mentioned in my last post, I will living in Brainerd, MN this summer with my Aunt and Uncle. It was hard for me to tell my family and friends in Bemidji that I wouldn't be there this summer but I know this is the best option for me. It's not that I don't love Bemidji or my friends there but I can honestly tell you all that if I were to go back to Bemidji for the summer I wouldn't be content. I would struggle because of the expectations I feel others would have about you I am. I grew up there; you've all seen me through my ups and downs, some I feel still see me as someone I am not anymore.

Instead of adding all these confusing questions of identity, I want to be in a neutral place. A place where I can have the space I need to continue to discover who I am. That and I love my Aunt and Uncle :) Plus, I'm not too far away from home so I can come visit and I hope some of you will come see me!

Another cool thing that has been decided is that next I will be rooming with two of my current roommates, Marhenza and KZ, and a new roommate by the name of Gloria. I will once again be the only "white girl" but I love it! They are beautiful Asian women who teach me a lot and accept me for EXACTLY who I am. We have formed deep and true friendships already and I am so thankful for Marhenza and KZ. I look forward to getting to know Gloria more and I am already thankful that she is a clean person! (I will have back-up to motivate the other two to clean! YAY.)
                                                           KZ, Marhenza, and Me! :)

So there are a few new developments in my life that I'm happy to share with you. I hope that all of you are doing well and I hope that you know that no matter how far away we are, I love and appreciate you! <3

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